Happy 6th Birthday Trey!!!

As my crazy-haired little boy blows out his birthday candle on his red velvet cupcake, my mind can't help but wander down memory lane...

..."I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your pregnancy isn't viable. You will miscarry. We have scheduled you an appointment with your OB for tomorrow to discuss your options." The words felt like a boulder crashing into my chest. I sucked in the little air I could manage before my desperate attempt to hold back the tears was foiled. Two babies in just a few months time. Two babies stolen from me...


..."Well, it's a very good thing that you did not have that procedure. This is a picture of your baby, and right here you can see your baby's heartbeat," the ultrasound tech pointed to the monitor and yet again it felt like the air had gone from the room. But this time, I wasn't searching for oxygen or trying to hold back the tears. Gary and I both let them flow freely as we continued to stare at our baby and listen to the rhythmic and wondrous sound of his heartbeat.


..."MY WATER BROKE!!! GET OUT OF BED!!!" Think, Lindsay, think. Okay call the hospital let them know you are coming. "Yes, I just wanted to let you know that my water broke and so I am coming in to have a baby." 
"How far along are you? Oh, just 36 weeks. Well, you can come in and bring your bag with you just in case you really are in labor." 
JUST IN CASE I REALLY AM IN LABOR!!!! THERE IS A SWIMMING POOL IN MY BEDROOM FLOOR, LADY!!! 


..."I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" 
" You are not going to die, Lindsay. Just one more big push. He's right there. You can do it."


...Into the world he came all 5lbs 7oz of him. Early, but healthy. Refusing to eat, but content to just be held. The little boy who would put an unquenchable craving for Christ into my heart. The little boy who would teach me what it meant to be selfless. The angel who would later whisper, "we will be his family" into my ear as his heart broke just like mine for an orphan on the other side of the globe. The child who reminds me daily that the words of God are truth, not just good advice. 


And here we are 6 years later. Some days I still see that tiny little baby and other days I find it hard to believe that he is only 6. Sometimes he still needs to be held by mommy and daddy for comfort, but other days I look and I see the 3rd adult in our family.  He is growing and changing before our eyes. He is learning lesson daily and teaching us more than he knows.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TREY!!!

Making big brother's birthday cupcakes

Go Blazers!!! Trey and Luke are "on the bench" in between quarters ;)

Pretending we are not singing to him

Trey and Anna sharing their birthday celebration like the good friends they are

Beach baby! I swear this kid was born to live at the beach.

Never without a basketball

All ready for the game. Trey has been to 4 Blazer games this season, and he is well outfitted for them. His wardrobe is complete with 2 jerseys, 2 Blazers T-shirts, A Blazers hat, 2 NBA headbands, and even a shooting sleeve (see picture above with him and Lukey together).

Hoping the next 6 years go a little slower :)

When God brings the rain...

... go puddle jumping!!!


One of our favorite things to do is go to the empty field near our house and take advantage of the uneven ground that allows for huge rain puddles to collect. 

My little duckies testing the waters.

And the fun takes a turn.

I showed Ana how to "whistle" with a piece of grass. This is her attempt.

I wrote my last post...and then THIS STORY showed up on the news last night.

I have been physically ill since hearing it. In case you choose not to click the link, here is the rundown. A couple chose to do prenatal testing. The testing indicated that their child, a little girl, would NOT have Down syndrome. She does. The couple sued the hospital for $7M. They won $2.9M. In the article the couple claims that this was not about making a decision to abort. It was about them "wanting to be prepared". Their claim is that a child with Down syndrome is a financial burden, and they wanted the money to cover the cost of lifetime care.

Here are just a few of the MANY problems I have with this story:

1. If this was never about aborting, then how were the parents going to "prepare" and get the millions of dollars that they claim they will need for their daughters care?

2. I have 2 children with Down syndrome and their care has not cost us any more than our other children. In fact, because of their diagnosis they are entitled to much more free care from the government, and having a disabled child gives you tax breaks. (Not that these are reasons to have a child with a disability...just making the point that money is a lame excuse)

3. The parents go on to say that they want their daughter (who is now 4) and love her very much. I imagine you can already see the problems in this statement, so I won't even add in my 2 cents.

In my experience as a parent, if you loved your child, really truly loved your child, you would be so happy to have that sweet little girl in your arms that it wouldn't matter what doctors said or didn't say. You would be on your knees thanking God for what He has so richly blessed you with. Let's be real, that precious life would not be here if that test had said otherwise. I think those parents should be paying the hospital $2.9M for the blessing of having that little girl with them today.

I know this post may come across as judgmental, and I am sorry for that. I have been praying and asking God to change my heart toward these people, but in truth this is the sort of thing that makes me sad to live in this place and in this time. It is the sort of thing that makes me angry at the godless society we have become. It makes me seek the Lord's forgiveness for our whole country as we decline morally. It terrifies me for the world that my children will grow up in. And it brings me to my knees in pain for all of the children who are seen as "worthless".

We can shake our finger at other countries who place children with Down syndrome in mental institutions, but are we really that far removed from that? We say things like, "well, in that country they consider these children to be throw-aways". WHAT DO YOU THINK WE HAVE DONE WITH PRENATAL TESTING?????? We have figured a way to decide which children are our "throw-aways" and get rid of them before they ever see the light of day.

Excuse my passion. And God please help us!!!

WDSD

March 21 is World Down syndrome Day. 3/21: celebrating the 3rd copy of the 21st chromosome. To all of my friends who have babies rockin' that extra chromosome. Happy WDSD!!!! Celebrate the life that is your child, celebrate all of the lessons you have learned, celebrate all of the lives that your child has touched, and praise the creator who in His great wisdom chose to bless you.

Please remember that 90% of children who are prenatally diagnosed with Down syndrome are aborted. Why? In truth, I believe it is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of a life different than you had planned. Let me just say that fear can keep you from some really beautiful things in your life. If you want to know what it's really like to have a child with Down syndrome, don't ask the "experts". Ask the parents. Here is what we have to say:

Choose Life...For Everyone!!!

Randomness

Luke: (holding a deck of cards in the box) Mom, can we go outside and ride bikes?
Me: No. We have to leave for co-op in a few minutes.
Luke: I'm going to flip these cards. If they land this way we will ride bikes. (flipping the deck over) If they land this way we will go to co-op.

For the record, they landed on co-op. So proud of the wonderful decision making skills I have taught my son.

*****

Gary talking to Trey...
Gary: When you get married and have kids will you live by me?
Trey: Yeah, as long as there is a house for sale. Actually I am going to move to Alabama.
Gary: Why?
Trey: It's sunnier there.

*****

Trey and Luke have been playing "house hunting" lately. They ride their bikes down the street and pretend to look at houses to buy. I am their realtor.
Trey: Do you have any other houses we can look at? We kind of like the last one. It had a hot tub, but it was too expensive. It was over our budget.
Me: Well, I have a few more. One has a pool. Do you want a pool?
Trey: It doesn't matter if it has a pool or a hot tub just as long as it is in our budget.

At least one kid is picking up the right stuff! :)

*****

Trey skyping Grandpa:
Me: Trey tell Grandpa about co-op.
Trey: I take 2 classes. One is a body class where I learn about my body. The other one is a monkey class.
Me: It is NOT a monkey class!
Trey: yes, it is!!!

The class is actually a literature class, but for the first 2 weeks they read books with monkeys in them (Curious George and Caps For Sale), so naturally to the 5 year old mind it is a monkey class.

*****

Alex and Ana are potty training. Alex caught Ana having an accident in the living room. He grabbed her, pulled her by her hand into the bathroom, pulled her undies down and sat her on the potty. If only he would do that for himself!!!

*****

Luke: Mommy will you rub me? (not uncommon for him to ask. He likes for me to rub his back or his face sometimes)
Me: What do you want me to rub?
Luke: My feelings.
Me: Where are your feelings?
Luke: (pointing to his chin) right here.

*****

Trey has now lost 2 teeth. On the day he lost the second one we knew it was coming out. Gary begged Trey to let him pull it out in the morning even offering to pay DOUBLE what the tooth fairy pays. Trey declined.


Over dinner...
Me: Trey did you lose your tooth? I don't see it.
Trey: No. (feeling for it and realizing it isn't there his eyes get huge and begin to tear up). OH NO! I think I ate it! I thought it was part of my chicken.

I had to write a letter to the tooth-fairy letting her know what happened.

Tired boy 

1st day of school (Alex had a nasty cold that left a sore on his nose :(

1st day of co-op (Alex doesn't know how to NOT be in pictures)

The coast

My sweet Lukey!

I don't know if you can tell, but we got SOAKED!!!! Ana and Alex ran straight for the water. I let them thinking that the first wave would hit their feet, it would be cold and they would back away. Instead the wave came in farther than I anticipated. It soaked Ana up to her waist, knocked Alex over, and I ended up wet almost to my waist trying to save them both from being washed out to sea (I had help from Gary, Brian and Rachel, but I guess I was the closest). Fortunately, like a good mommy, I packed changes of clothes for all the kids. Unfortunately, like a typical mommy, I didn't think about myself. I spent the rest of the day wet, and even went to lunch with some mittens on my feet acting as socks (glad I have lots of random junk in my van :) . 

How cute are they?

Trying to get dry and warm. Enjoying some good conversation and watching Jordan enjoy some tasty sand :)

The single benefit of having your 4 year old taken out by a wave is that he will finally settle down long enough to cuddle.

This was in someone's yard on the way home from the beach. They also had a mystery machine and a bat-mobile.

That's my girl! (or my 4th boy :) She loves the football helmet, dribbles a basketball, plays cars, trains, and trucks, and has no fear.

Just your typical gas-mask-required diaper change in the Hagler home.

She shoots...she SCORES!!!!

The rocky roads we travel

There is typically not an easy road for the things in life that are worth doing. This is especially true in parenting. I wish there was a quick fix for temper tantrums, potty training, reading lessons, meal-time battles, lessons in sharing, and bedtime struggles. But, I have learned that anything that claims to be an easy solution tends to be false advertising. Take the 3-day potty training approach. You can spend 3 days following your child around and running them to the potty, but this does not necessarily mean that your child is potty trained after 3 days. Ask anyone who has tried it. There are still accidents, still night-time training to be done, and lots more mad dashes to the potty in hopes that you made it in time.

Last week my life was easy easier. Aside from a few appointments here and there our weeks passed much the same as one another. Lots of time at home. We woke when we were ready (well, when the kids were ready), did schoolwork on our time, played outside if it was nice, enjoyed some downtime, and in general didn’t have any pressing decisions to make. This week, however, was very different. Alex and Ana started “school” 2 days a week. They attend an early intervention program for a few hours each week. I am responsible for driving them there and picking them up, which means feeding, dressing, and loading all my kids by 8am!

All of this has brought about a lot of thought on my part. As we sat down to enroll the kids in the EI program and develop an IFSP we were greeted by several faces, one of whom was a representative from the public school system. She was there to ensure that Alex’s transition from the EI program to public school in a few months would be as seamless as possible. Public school. A few months. Suddenly decisions that we didn’t have to make right away were staring us in the face. These decisions are still up in the air (and up in prayer). Initially there was something appealing about sending Alex to school. They could provide an environment that I just could not. Maybe they could bridge the gap between where he is and where he should be. They could give him opportunities for peer interaction that I could not. His learning could be scaffolded, and he could glean information from the other children in his class.

But then my week got crazier. Trey started homeschool co-op through our church. He goes one day a week for 2 classes. He is currently participating in a health class and a Literature class. We are at the church from about 9:30am until 2pm. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect yesterday as we pulled up, but I was so blessed! At co-op I was witness to parents, moms AND dads, who wanted so badly to make sure that their children and their children’s education was a primary focus in their lives. There were moms teaching classes with infants strapped to their chests, dads who were showing up for a few hours in the middle of their work day to come teach a class, parents who have committed to their families and to one another. Parents who have decided that giving their children a Christ-centered education is their primary focus outside of their own relationship with the Lord. Moms and dads who know that while curriculum is important it will have no bearing on eternity if it excludes Christ. There were moms who were encouraging each other, moms offering advice, moms and dads holding one another accountable.

It was in the middle of this blessed day that I began to wonder, “what is the most important thing I can give my kids?”. Of course, I know the answer. So the next question becomes, “how can I give my kids Jesus in the best way possible no matter the cost to me?”. If I don’t desire public school for my other kids, why would it be okay for my special kids? Am I truly looking for the best solution or the easy road? I thought this same thing earlier in the week as I did my 8am loading to get the twins to school. I started thinking that it would be so much better if I just let them ride the bus. Then I wouldn’t have to drag everyone out. My friend assured me it was just a bus ride and it would be fine. But, it wasn’t so much the thought of them riding the bus that nagged me. It was my motivation that bothered me. It would be easier for me. Maybe it would be easier for me, but wouldn’t it be better for my kids if I dropped them off and picked them up each time? I would get to walk them in and walk them out. I would get to be the last face they see before entering the classroom and the first face that greets them outside of the classroom as school ends. It would give me an opportunity to talk with their teachers face to face, and it just might help provide a sense of security for my fragile Ana and reinforce the concept of parent/child vs. teacher/student relationships for Alex. I have committed to follow the Lord wherever He will lead me. There will be a time when rest will come (might be when I die, but even if it is I’m okay with that). Until then, I desire to seek the Lord in all I do and to work diligently at the tasks he blesses me with…even if it means taking a hard, rocky road every time.

Happy Birthday, Ana!

This post is coming a few days early. On January 4th my sweet Ana will turn 4. This is a very bitter-sweet kind of day. The sweet is on this side of the globe. The bitter on the other.

As her birthday quickly approaches I cannot help but think of what was. What January 4th must have looked like 4 years ago. What was it like in that hospital as this beauty entered the world? I imagine the immediate joy followed by the heartbreaking pain. I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to spend 9 months anticipating the arrival of your first baby only to have her come into this world, not as you expected, but different. To be told that you must leave her behind. You must walk away from the child you have loved. The child who is a part of you. The child you still love despite her "imperfections". How would it feel to have your own parents tell you to move on and abandon her? To have doctor after doctor advise you to leave her for someone else to deal with? To be told that you will never be valued if people know you have a child with Down syndrome? And so, my heart breaks for the fragile 24 year old girl who had to endure this 4 years ago.

Ganna 2008

But, my heart also soars for God's plan to make her daughter mine to love.

And then my heart sinks again as I contemplate what could have been. I think about what this day would have looked like for Ganna, or "Anya" as she was affectionately called in the orphanage. What if we hadn't said yes. With about 1 week to go before we traveled to Ukraine, we got the fateful e-mail that changed our lives dramatically. I wonder, what if we said no. What if nobody showed up to call this sweet child their own. The truth is that she would be spending her birthday being shipped off to an adult mental institution. This makes me cry, not just because she is my daughter. This makes me cry because if you could have seen Ganna before she was Ana...well you would cry too. This sweet little girl was locked away: a prisoner trapped inside of herself. I can't bear the thought of what life in a mental institution would have done to her. And I cry because what she escaped by God's grace is reality for so many.

It has been nearly 8 months, and the 3 year old Ganna who blew bubbles out the sides of her mouth, banged her head on the crib, and shook rattles on her face as her only forms of stimulation is fading fast. She is being replaced by 4 year old Ana who calls me "mama," loves to be rocked and have Amazing Grace sung to her. She giggles when she talks on the phone, she loves her brothers, reaches for her daddy to be held in his loving embrace, is becoming a pro at puzzles, enjoys finding mischief with her little "twin," and is beginning to learn what love is.

Happy Birthday my sweet Ana! We can't believe we have been so lucky to be blessed by you.

"He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making all things new!"" -Revelation 21:5

Patiently waiting...

...okay, I can't contain my excitement anymore!

Thank you for the stroller Amy. Look at the joy on her face :)

I wonder what it is?

A princess mirror!!! This was her favorite. Good work, Grandma!

Making silly faces at herself

YEA!!!!