1. Gary out of town Monday-Friday, home Sat-Sun, gone again Mon-Fri
2. Luke battles croup (Mon-Fri), an ear infection and bronchitis (Sat-Present)
3. Gary gets a cold on Saturday when he gets home, and has to turn around and leave again on Monday (the 26th -his birthday)
4. I spend Monday (19th) night holding Luke on out on the patio for most of the night so the cold air will open his airway, and every night since then has found me awake for at least half of the night holding my poor, sick child. I have reached a point where moving my neck and back is difficult. However, I don't really recommend you try messing with me because my biceps are unrivaled!
5. I still have a 3 1/2 year old who needs me as well (and does not take naps).
I have reached the point of physical and mental exhaustion, which is right where I want to be! Yes, I'm serious. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I tried handling everything myself. Monday was fine, Tuesday I was a little tired, and by Wednesday I snapped. The day found me crying several times, lashing out at my children, and wondering how I was going to survive 2 more days without my husband. And then, at 2 am Thursday morning, I realized two things: 1. I couldn't survive this week by myself and 2. I WAS surviving. That meant that I was not alone. God was and still is with me. I began to praise God as I paced the floor with my sick child. I thanked God that I had that moment to hold my baby and listen to his soft snoring. I thanked God for giving His only Son for me. Jesus sacrificed, but we often forget that God did too. I have been wondering lately, "Do I love anybody THAT much?" The answer is yes and no. Yes, there are people I love enough to sacrifice myself. No, there is nobody I love enough to sacrifice my children. But God's answer is a resounding, "YES, I love YOU that much!!!" As I began to dwell on these things, something changed inside me. I know that God is holding me tight in my dark moments, much like my parents held me as a child. I feel the comfort of His presence, and I know that he will carry me through to the other side of this battle. Some of you might think this is just the power of positive thinking, but I assure you it is not. It is the promise of God.
Do you love anybody that much?
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
