Struggles and Successes

We all have them. Anyone who says differently is a liar. I have been lucky enough to be able to share all of our failures and all of our triumphs during this adoption process with one of my dear friends. You may well remember that we stayed with our friends while in-country. Our friends adopted from the same orphanage, and their daughter was even in Ana's groupa. We are dealing with similar issues since being home, and like me, my friend has opted to tell the truth on her blog instead of handing her readers the sugar-coated, "everything is coming up roses" version of the story. She has said nothing worse than I have on this blog, however someone had the audacity to anonymously post a comment on her blog that questioned whether or not she adopted the right child, assuming that she does not love her sweet little girl.

Now, let me tell you something about myself. I am a prideful, sinful human being. I am far from perfect. A few short months ago, I was a very judgmental mommy. I was one of those women you didn't want to talk about your child-rearing issues with, because I had all the answers. I wasn't silly enough to think I was going to have all of the answers with our newbies, but I figured I could learn quickly and use all my "mommy smarts" to fill in the gaps. God has knocked me right off my high horse, as it goes galloping into the sunset without me. Here I am left on the dirty ground, brushing myself off wondering what happened, and all I can do is look up. I look up to my Savior: the only one who can give me the strength to continue on. This is not a complaint. This is a lesson. I have been blessed to be taught an amazing lesson as the Holy Spirit strips me of myself. I am still learning, but I want to take this moment to warn anyone who thinks they can judge another person without repercussions:

"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

(Matthew 7:2)

You will find no judgement here, instead you will find us celebrating. We will celebrate our struggles, because they will provide a lesson. We will celebrate our successes (even if they seem mediocre to most), because there were probably a lot of struggles that led to that success. And if you allow us, we will celebrate yours too :)

Here are some of our most recent life lessons:

Trey has learned the responsibilities of a big brother of 3. He always asks to help with the kids, but today he told my mom, "Grandma, you should be here to help my mom, because yesterday I had to do a hundred things!". He has learned what it's like to live in a house of chaos with screaming kids all the time. He is learning selflessness in its purest and most difficult to swallow form: the kind you don't have a choice but to learn. And he is making us proud every day.

Sasha has learned: Not to touch the fireplace, not to stand up on the slide, not to throw toys, and not to spit out food...although sometimes he forgets all of these things (usually on the same day). He has also added to his sign language repertoire ("sorry" and "help"). He has learned how to give kisses (real ones, not just blown kisses). He has learned who mommy and daddy are. He has learned that he likes to be held and to cuddle in mommy and daddy's lap. He has learned how to drink from a straw. And he has decided to become the disciplinarian of our home. He likes to shake his finger at anyone who is misbehaving and "admonish" them. Ana knocked over the kids plastic chairs the other day. Sasha pushed her out of the way, shook his finger at her, and proceeded to pick up the chairs. He also likes to hide things. He has three main hiding places, but I never know where I am going to find anything with him around.

ALL AMERICAN KID

Ana has learned that she loves being part of a family! She laughs and screams (happily) a lot! She has discovered that she likes to be held as well. She likes to be rocked in the rocking chair, and she loves story time (Corduroy Goes to the Doctor is her favorite). She has learned her name and she understands a good bit of what we say to her. She runs to the table when we say "eat," she walks away from the windows when I tell her, "no banging," she sits on the floor when we say, "sit down," and she grabs my hand to head to bed when I say, "night, night,". Probably her biggest success as of late is that she has finally learned to sign, "more"!!!! This is one of those "mediocre to most" moments, but this is huge in our home! Watch the video below, and also notice that she not only signs, "more," but she also verbalizes it! She says, "bo". She does it every time, so I know it is her version of "more".

Lukey is learning how to share "his" mommy. He is learning about sacrifice, and he is discovering the difference between a need and a want (as in, mommy wants to play with you, but I need to stop Ana from throwing that train at somebody's head). He is coming into his own as he discovers his own likes and dislikes. He is very picky right now as he tries to make his desires known. He is very smart and seems much older than two. Unfortunately, it makes it easy for me to forget that he is still very young, and he needs me more than I believe.

We are learning that guilt will always be around, but we can waste our moments on it, or we can spend them with the ones we love. We are learning that we can either pretend to stand on our own two feet, or we can truly stand on our faith in a God who is bigger than anything in our lives. We seek to remember that everything around us is temporary, and we should be striving for eternity. We try to find our comfort in the only one who can give it.

Life is good here! We are doing better than surviving. Am I smiling all the time and loving every moment? No, but I am loving my God, my husband, and my children. If there was one thing I could change about my days it would be me. I pray daily for more patience with my kids. My intentions are good every day, and every day I am brought to my knees asking Jesus to hold me. It's okay though, I rather like those moments with Him. I know He forgives my shortcomings, and I apologize to my children daily and know that they forgive me too. We are happy, but this is real life. If you want only the sunshine and roses, you might want to read something else.

"...and we all fall down"...sometimes.