Happy Birthday, Ana!

This post is coming a few days early. On January 4th my sweet Ana will turn 4. This is a very bitter-sweet kind of day. The sweet is on this side of the globe. The bitter on the other.

As her birthday quickly approaches I cannot help but think of what was. What January 4th must have looked like 4 years ago. What was it like in that hospital as this beauty entered the world? I imagine the immediate joy followed by the heartbreaking pain. I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to spend 9 months anticipating the arrival of your first baby only to have her come into this world, not as you expected, but different. To be told that you must leave her behind. You must walk away from the child you have loved. The child who is a part of you. The child you still love despite her "imperfections". How would it feel to have your own parents tell you to move on and abandon her? To have doctor after doctor advise you to leave her for someone else to deal with? To be told that you will never be valued if people know you have a child with Down syndrome? And so, my heart breaks for the fragile 24 year old girl who had to endure this 4 years ago.

Ganna 2008

But, my heart also soars for God's plan to make her daughter mine to love.

And then my heart sinks again as I contemplate what could have been. I think about what this day would have looked like for Ganna, or "Anya" as she was affectionately called in the orphanage. What if we hadn't said yes. With about 1 week to go before we traveled to Ukraine, we got the fateful e-mail that changed our lives dramatically. I wonder, what if we said no. What if nobody showed up to call this sweet child their own. The truth is that she would be spending her birthday being shipped off to an adult mental institution. This makes me cry, not just because she is my daughter. This makes me cry because if you could have seen Ganna before she was Ana...well you would cry too. This sweet little girl was locked away: a prisoner trapped inside of herself. I can't bear the thought of what life in a mental institution would have done to her. And I cry because what she escaped by God's grace is reality for so many.

It has been nearly 8 months, and the 3 year old Ganna who blew bubbles out the sides of her mouth, banged her head on the crib, and shook rattles on her face as her only forms of stimulation is fading fast. She is being replaced by 4 year old Ana who calls me "mama," loves to be rocked and have Amazing Grace sung to her. She giggles when she talks on the phone, she loves her brothers, reaches for her daddy to be held in his loving embrace, is becoming a pro at puzzles, enjoys finding mischief with her little "twin," and is beginning to learn what love is.

Happy Birthday my sweet Ana! We can't believe we have been so lucky to be blessed by you.

"He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making all things new!"" -Revelation 21:5

Patiently waiting...

...okay, I can't contain my excitement anymore!

Thank you for the stroller Amy. Look at the joy on her face :)

I wonder what it is?

A princess mirror!!! This was her favorite. Good work, Grandma!

Making silly faces at herself

YEA!!!!