The Hagler Kids
Here are some of the questions I have been getting lately:
DO YOUR KIDS SPEAK ANY ENGLISH?
No! Both children are basically non-verbal. Sasha understands Ukrainian (too bad we don't speak it!), and it is difficult to know what Ana understands. Sasha is picking up English, and I can tell he is beginning to understand some of what we say to him. He is rapidly picking up signs and is a VERY fast learner.
HOW DO THEY EAT/SLEEP?
GREAT!!!! Both kids eat their body weight in food at every meal. They are on the same schedule here as they were at the orphanage (just a coincidence that I keep the same schedule in my home). They nap and sleep very well. We do our bedtime routine and I walk out of the room and don't hear a peep until nap is over or until morning.
HOW ARE ALL THE KIDS GETTING ALONG?
They are doing well. Trey and Luke love their new brother and sister and generally love to help out with them. Luke is a little needy at times, but he was before "his" space was invaded anyway (he has some new teeth coming in). No, they don't play together. Sasha and Ana do not yet understand how to play with other children. Sasha plays independently, and Ana doesn't even understand how to play. I try to engage her regularly, but she has little interest at this point. We are working on it, though.
WHAT IS LIFE LIKE WITH 4 KIDS AGE 5 AND UNDER?
There is never a dull moment! At any given time there could be 2 kids crying (whenever 1 kid crys, compassionate Ana joins in), a few kids asking for help with something, someone who's hungry, 1 or 3 kids needing diaper changes, a phone ringing and a meal half cooked waiting for me to finish it. It is not bad; it just requires patience (more than I have at times) and a lot of organization. I used to have to be 1 step ahead of things, now I need to be about 3 steps ahead. I have to know exactly when I am going to feed the kids, what they will be eating, when I need to begin preparing it, exactly what time will be bath time, who needs a bath, where everyone's PJs are, etc. I have to anticipate all needs and wants of 4 kids in order to avoid meltdowns.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE HARDEST THING?
In a word: Ana. She is the sweetest, prettiest girl you could ever meet. However, in the orphanage they loved her, but expected very little of her. She is difficult to engage. She would rather stare at her reflection in the stove or bang a toy against her cheek to feel the vibration than look you in the eyes or play with a toy in the proper way. All of her meltdowns revolve around food. She must have been severely overfed in the orphanage. She gets to a point of being inconsolable if I stop the flow of food to her mouth at any point. In the orphanage, we taught her to sign "more", so I know she is capable. When I feed her she whines incessantly, which is so hard for me to deal with. She whines because even though her mouth is full of food, she wants another bite. I have been working on getting her to sign "more" at mealtimes, but she gets so upset and just breaks down. More than once I have had to remove her from the table because I refuse to give in to her. My patience wears thin with her on a daily basis, and it sucks because none of it is her fault.
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
Arms like an octopus, 5 more hours in a day, the patience of a saint, and a lot more cappuccino!
But since those are not things you can help me with, PRAYER! God has provided for all of our physical needs in an overwhelming way. Praise Him!!!
10 comments:
Lindsay, don't forget that you are NOT alone!! There are lots of other families who have or are dealing with the same things. Reach out, and ask questions, there might be lots of good advice out there. Hang in there, she will learn. Your family is beautiful!! Praying for you!! :)
Im sorry to hear things are hard with Ana, but Im grateful that you posted how it really is, not just a pretty picture. Its nice to see your honesty and how life truly is for you all with the new kiddos. I am praying for you, and the kids as well. I know it must be hard but dont give in or give up! You are doing a great job!
I am so glad I can read your blog again! I will keep you all in my prayers and I hope Ana will continue to improve. I am sure with time and your love she will do wonderful things!
I feel really privileged to be able to read your blog now- it's always being labeled private when I've clicked on it before. Ana has been in my prayers since I first saw her little face and you are the answer to that prayer! I'll keep praying. You look like you are doing a wonderful job. Heather Forbes has written/produced some excellent (in my opinion as an adoptive mum) material to help parents with traumatized children. You can google her. Blessing to you and your family
I have to tell you that I am relieved to hear another admit to their patience running thin on occasion! I know mine does, but sometimes when you read other blogs it seems like they are perfect mothers, and have it all together every minute of the day. I appreciate your honesty!
www.moveanymountian.blogspot.com
sorry i lost you today. my phone is on it's last leg and i lose calls all the time or it dies. I know Ana has been through a lot and not to mention she's FEMALE!! we girls tend to express things a bit differently, and food (or the lack of) makes us moody :) don't forget to take some time outs yourself, i think we get a minute per year (so i get longer timeouts than you)! wish i could be some of your extra hands. love you and praying for you!!
We are dealing with the same issues with feeding with Kaylee, must have been their room. We had some progress, and then she took a step back. I think it will just be something that WILL get better with time. I am with you and find my patience run very thin with her at times (only really around meal time), but then I remind myself it has only been a week for us versus her 2 years in the orphanage.
I will be praying for you. And I do love it that you are honest.
I feel ya. Love you and if you need any help let me know. Kids are out of school in about 10 days or so and I can drive up and give you a hand. Call me if you need me. Your mom has my number if you lost it.
Sofia is EXACTLY the same way...even today...food is an obsession for her...I wonder what the heck they did to our girls in terms of food!!!! HANG IN THERE!!!! Hugs!
xo
I am so very proud of you, Cuz! I was not aware of your journey until today and all I can say is wow! You go Cuz!!
As a teacher, all I feel I can really offer you is advice...that I am sure you have heard, lol...
*Call your mommy for advice and guidance...she had the 4 of you under 5 and I vividly remember admiring her.
*Call my mommy! She had 6! lol
*Try music. It is universal and all the different nursery rhymes & abc songs could be a good start. But since Ana loves making sounds...channel it...and dance to it while you are doing a million things at once! A cute song I do with my preschoolers when things are crazy is 'Are you sleeping, are you sleeping...' their job is to lay down where they are and wake up...you pick the animal, car, etc! Helps to break up the energy in the room.
We love you and Keep your head UP!! ;-)
Post a Comment