A comedy of errors

Today was a day that made me laugh and cry (mostly cry, and the laughter tended to turn into crying most times). We started out the day as usual, dragging 4 kids out the door, dropping 2 at school, and heading to the cardiologist with the remaining 2 (I think I can do the drive to UAB's 4th Ave parking deck in my sleep). We go to the cardiologist a lot (obviously), and we are always in and out quickly. But not today. Oh no, the devil declared full-on warfare today. So, as we are waiting and waiting, Ana does a nice little number in her diaper. No big deal. I take the kids to the bathroom pull out the changing pad, lay Ana down, get my wipes ready, grab the diaper...WAIT! There is no diaper. It is in the van in a parking deck a few blocks away. So, as mommies often do, I decide to improvise. Don't ask, and I won't tell. Let's just say that Ana walked out of the bathroom wearing a semi-clean diaper.

We race out of the cardiologist office to attempt to get to the boys' school on time to pick them up. And yes, I stopped long enough to make sure Ana was wearing a completely clean diaper. We make it in time, and we head home. I open the door of the house to a ringing phone, 5 blinking messages on the answering machine, 4 kids begging for lunch among other things, and an e-mail from a couple who was on their way to pick up something I was selling on Craigslist.

After feeding the kids, putting the 2 littles down for naps, and responding to a few calls and e-mails, I receive a call from Gary. He is house-hunting right now and has only a few days to find us a new address. We had scheduled to view 8 or 9 properties in 2 days time. However, all morning Gary had been receiving calls from all of the rental management companies letting him know that the properties we had scheduled viewings for had rented in the last few days. We went from 8-9 available properties to view down to 3!!! So, I busily start hunting online again. As I call to schedule appointments the responses are the same: "that one is not available until November," "that one currently has a contract on it," or nobody answers AND they never call back. We are moving our family of 6 to Portland in a few days and we have nowhere to live...AWESOME!!!! I start getting desperate and expanding our search, compromising on budget and on things that were high on our priority list (like a yard). I find a townhouse that has enough space for us, no yard, and 2 attached neighbors. As I pull it up online and prepare to call to schedule a showing (practically crying, I might add), Trey looks at the picture and says, "look it's perfect! We can live in this one, somebody else can live on this side, and somebody else on the other side. That way we can have friends!" Thank you, God for 5 year-old wisdom-once again. So, I call the rental company, give the poor woman my sob story about moving so soon and not having a place to live (with 4 kids). Her response is a comical, "you sound stressed about that". I assure her I am, but also tell her, "I am going to take a deep breath now and beg you to allow my husband to view this town house today". She asks for my husband's name, and when I give it to her she says, "Ohhhhh, yeah. You guys were scheduled to see two other properties today that were rented". Yes. Yes we were. She agrees to show him the property at 3pm. As she is showing him the home she says, "by the way, I am showing this property right after you at 4". SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!? At this point I think we should own a rental property in Portland. But since we own nothing but a house we can't sell in Birmingham, instead it just stresses me out! We were almost freaked out enough to just take the first thing available, but faith prevailed and we did not.

After leaving the town home, Gary received a call from the rental agent. Apparently either my stressed out phone call moved her, OR (and I'm leaning this way) it was her deep love for her niece with Down syndrome that made her identify with our family. But, she pulled some strings and found a way to allow us to view a property that we had inquired about a few weeks ago that is not even available yet. Gary will check it out tomorrow, and I am so grateful to her for doing that.

And on top of all of that, I had to say an official good-bye to one of my nearest and dearest today. She started crying, and I started crying...again. Really not fun. Love you, Angela!!!

Just hoping that tomorrow comes with less stress, less crying, more laughing (real laughing, not the half-laughing/half-crying I've been doing all day), AND an address :)

Saying "so long" to the South

I cannot begin to explain the joy that has overwhelmed our family in the last 5 years. Born and raised in the mid-west, Gary and I became deep southerners. We learned to say things like "y'all," "fixin'" and to add "the" in front of every store name, as in "I'm fixin' to go to the Wal-Mart, y'all wanna come?".  We have seen the Tide roll and the War Eagle fly. We have lived well, laughed much, and loved wholeheartedly. We moved here with an 8-week old baby and each other. We knew nobody, and I moved without having ever stepped foot in Alabama before. But it was okay. I felt completely at peace with the decision to leave all of the comforts of "home" and move somewhere very unlike what I knew.

It was here, in the buckle of the Bible belt, that we fell in love with Jesus. He sought us, and we were overwhelmed by Him. Not only did we discover our Saviour, but we also discovered amazing friendships. We became witness to the love of Jesus through our friends, who became like family. In 5 short years, we developed life-long friendships that saw the births of new babies, adoptions, the transition from compact cars to mini-vans, life-changing decisions, marital woes, medical diagnosis, crisis of faith, job changes, and moves. We have welcomed new members into our "family," and we have said good-bye to others as the Lord scatters them according to His purpose.

Now, it is our turn to scatter. We have felt the Lord prompting us for some time now, but we knew the timing was never quite right. Now, with 4 cuties to lead at home, and me acting as a single mom most days, we knew the time was finally right. I am frequently asked when daddy will be home and for how long before he has to leave again. Helping daddy pack for a trip used to be a fun bonding experience for the boys, but with its increasing frequency it has become a dreaded chore for all. We cannot expect to lead our children the way God intends if we are not present for them. We understand that sometimes being away from our families is a part of life (special thanks to all of our troops who do this for our freedoms). But, for us, there was a choice. Our prayer was for God to guide us, and He did...to the Pacific Northwest!!! Next month, we will transport our whole family across the country, and Gary will start a job that will allow him to be home more.

Thank you to all my girls who showed me what it means to put others first. You have guided me in my relationship with Christ. You have been more than patient with me, and you have helped me keep my sanity ;) I will miss you all dearly, but I am really looking forward to leaving the comforts you have provided here for the opportunity to tell others of the saving grace of the Lord, and to show them the love of Christ.

~Lindsay

Grandma and Grandpa have been here helping out post-surgery. They have been a HUGE help, and Grandpa got to meet his newest grandkids for the first time! We took the kids to the Botanical Gardens to try to get some pictures. Ana did not make it easy. Our beautiful girl changes her expressions in a split second. Below are some of the many faces of Ana... (cracks me up :)

Can you believe this is our baby 1 week post surgery?

Ringing the bell

Watching Trey ring the bell

Can't believe how fast he is growing up!

Luke says, " don't forget to stop and smell the...berries"

Thanks for coming Grandma and Grandpa. We love you!!!!

Mr. Unstoppable

I'm finally ready to share the pics of Sasha post surgery...

Picture your child here. See why I cried a bucket of mommy tears? 

"Ah, my own room...finally!!! Now can we lose this silly heart monitor?"

Today is day 3. He is down to a heart monitor, the line in his neck that they access on occasion for medication, and minimal oxygen as needed. The chest tubes and the pacemaker came out today (both were high on our list of hardware to lose :). Sasha is in a regular room, and he will probably remain in the hospital for a few more days. Apparently some lung collapse is normal after open-heart, so that is the deciding factor for him to come home. He has to undergo some chest PT periodically throughout the day. And once his lungs appear to be in good shape, we should be heading home. Today, he walked around a bit, played in the playroom for a few, and we actually got him laughing and singing.  Gary is on guard duty tonight, and I will take over in the morning for my 24 hr shift :) 

"Thank you" cannot even begin to express our gratitude for prayers!

Love to you all!!!

Changing hearts!

God gave us all our of our children for the sake of His glory. He knew that without them we would remain in our sin, in our selfish lives. Today Sasha underwent a massive open-heart surgery. I looked at his frail little 20 lb frame and thought about the fact that a team of doctors and nurses were about to stop his heart, hook him up to a bypass machine, attempt to repair the heart, and basically put him back together with a mended heart. I wasn't even in the hospital with him. Gary took him while I stayed with the other 3 kids and ran them to school, got them all fed and down for naps. I cried and prayed as I waited to hear any updates. I asked a friend to come over to keep me occupied while I waited.

Our prayer has always been for God to be glorified through this surgery. I didn't know how that would happen, but it did. After a 4 hour surgery we were not only told about the intricate details of the surgery (the closure of 3 holes - one they didn't even know existed, creating valves, removing his PA band, a blood transfusion, the insertion of a pacemaker, and so on), but we were also told about the way God was being glorified through our sweet boy. Our prayers were answered. Your prayers were answered. Not only is Sasha's heart changed for the better, so was everyone's that he came in contact with! Our sweet boy paraded around pre-op smiling, waving, and blowing kisses. Melting hearts, and calming the fears of other patients. After surgery we were told that he blew kisses to the whole OR and did not stop until they put him under! Post surgery, a nurse told Gary that she had called her husband and told him she was determined that we should be friends. They have 5 kids and are looking to adopt. They had talked about the possibility of a child with Ds, but it was not until meeting Sasha that she knew it was the right thing. Gary told her about Reece's Rainbow and left her with all the information she needed to get hooked :)

Pre-op

Sign outside the surgery waiting area. Thank you for lifting Sasha up to Jesus!!!

Our kids have the ability to make days brighter, smiles wider, and they open a door to share Jesus with somebody who needs Him. They are changing us everyday, and we are so grateful for them.

What a "Wonderful" day!

Today was a BIG day for Wonderful Works! I had an informal meeting with Bob Foust, who is the head of the Alabama Coalition for Life. I was put in contact with him through Laurie Stroud, publisher of Birmingham Christian Family Magazine. And no, I am not name dropping to make you think I am somehow important. Laurie is an amazing woman, who was kind enough to feature our family in last years Christmas edition of BCFM. We have kept in contact with her through our adoption process. She would periodically send e-mails asking how we were doing, saying that we had been on her mind. I think the picture of Sasha got to her :) She contacted us again recently and asked if she could feature our family again, now that we were home. Of course we said yes, and I shamelessly asked if I could plug Wonderful Works. She said it could be done and asked me to call her. She put me in touch with Bob who requested a meeting with me. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have anything to show for this ministry except a website, a video, and a vision. I wasn't sure if he was going to say, "nice idea. Good luck with it," pat me on the back and then take off, or what. Here is what actually did happen:

We chatted informally for about an hour. We talked about how we ended up where we were in life, he asked how I came to Christ, told me of his passion not just for the unborn children of this world, but for their mothers who so desperately need Christ, and then he laid it out for me. Turns out Wonderful Works is a ministry idea much bigger than I anticipated. He sees the need. He loves the idea. He asked me if we were a certified non-profit. I said no, that I didn't really see the need to go that route because I didn't see a big need for funding. His response, "believe me, I am Mr. Shoestring. But you are going to need funding! This thing is going to get away from you quick." He advised me to compile a board. A board?!?!?!?!?  I was just talking about handing out some pamphlets and sharing some coffee with a few ladies!!!  We are praying through some possibilities right now for how we will be sustainable as a non-profit. And he asked me to come and speak at a banquet being held next month for the Sav-a-Life centers of Alabama. I will be sharing our story and introducing our ministry as a resource for Sav-a-Life to use.

Hello volunteers, where are you?????

Anyone know of an attorney and/or accountant who would be willing to do some pro/bono work? Apparently becoming a non-profit takes money and professionals.
Also, really need someone who can create blog buttons for our website and/or a logo. I have the idea in my head, just need someone to bring it to life.

Okay, here are some pictures I have been dying to share. They are a little out of place in this post, but this is the mess that I am :)

This is Ana's pop-princess look

First time at the beach

At this point Ana was done!

This is their train

A dose of truth

"You guys rock!"

"You are an amazing woman!"

"You are so awesome!"

These are a few of the comments that I have recently read in light of our launch of Wonderful Works. While we very much appreciate the support, I read these words and I feel like a phony: a liar. While in Ukraine, I often asked why so many people opted for the pretty version of things for their blog posts. I determined that I would tell the truth. I wanted everyone to know what adoption was really like. However, I quickly realized that nobody wants to hear the whole truth. They don't mind if you talk about your mishaps, so long as you also talk about your abundant love and overwhelming joy for the newest members of your family. They will take the bad as long as the end of your story is the good. Some days it's hard to find the good...in yourself. 

Pride has been deeply engrained in me from early on. I was the first born, an early reader, a responsible child, and very much a people pleaser. I was praised often, and it became a part of who I was. I was always seeking more praise. I worked hard to be independent and strived for worldly successes. I would quickly sweep any mistakes under the rug and opt to forget that they too were a part of who I was. When I finally opened my heart to the One who was so diligently seeking me, I began to see my shortcomings. I could see my pride, my greed, and my selfishness. I worked on these things, but they still existed in my life at the point when we committed to adopt Sasha, and they still do. We committed to him out of obedience. Yes, we had grown to love him in our hearts, but we are not the "amazing" kind of people that we thought were called to special needs adoption. We were simply acting out of love, compassion, and an overwhelming urgency to glorify God. But then the e-mails, the phone calls, and the conversations started. People made us out to be something we are not. No matter how many times we told people that we are not special, they didn't want to hear it. For some reason, people think that we (and all of those who have adopted a special needs child) have done something that they cannot. I have tried to quell the praise from others. We have admitted to our mistakes and shortcomings in hopes that people will see that anything that has been accomplished has been the work of God alone. This goes for our adoption and Wonderful Works. Maybe we have not laid out the truth plainly enough, so here goes:

How much did your adoptions cost, and where did the money come from?

TRUTH: About $30,000, and God supplied all of it in 2 1/2 months time. We did fundraisers, but our efforts yielded a meager $3,000 or so. God did the rest. I want this to be super clear, because if there are people wanting to adopt but looking at that dollar amount and shaking their head, know that God can move all mountains.

Everyone looked so happy in your pictures from Ukraine. You must have bonded instantly with your kids.

TRUTH: We met Ana first, and when she was taken back out of the room all I could do was pray, "God, I cannot do this. If this is your will, you are going to have to do it." Ana was oblivious to everyone in the room. All she did was hit herself in the head with a toy, spin in circles, and nearly fall down. She was unresponsive as people yelled her name, and she could have cared less that we were there. Sasha was fun and friendly, but he smelled so horribly! It was hard to be around him, because he smelled as if he hadn't been bathed...ever! We were miserable at the orphanage. Sasha got our morning visitation, in truth because we wanted to get it over with. Not that we disliked him, but we felt we were always being watched, and Sasha was a mischievous child. When we started taking him outside or into the hallways to play, it was like unleashing a tiger. We actually took him back to the groupa bloody a few times (he fell down outside constantly - they put shoes on him that were too small). He refused to obey (and believe me he KNEW what he was doing), and he whined and cried like nobody I've ever heard before (very much an attention seeker). We thought we were bonding with Ana and she with us. She started coming out a little more with each visitation, but occasionally she would regress. She seemed so calm and easy going, but the truth is that she was pretty much just checked out. My heart longed for home and my boys. 

Your kids seem to have transitioned so well!

TRUTH: Ana could care less about us. We meet her needs, but she hasn't figured out how to love yet, and man does it hurt! We try to make her smile and she gets mad. We want to hold her and cuddle her, but she pushes us away. We want for her to run to us with her arms up wanting an embrace with her mommy or daddy, but she only does that for strangers. I have asked my friends not to pick her up at all anymore using some lame excuse, but the truth is that it's because it cuts like a knife into my heart every time she runs to one of them. Sasha appears to love us, but sometimes the love is not reciprocated. We desire more than anything to love each of our children in the same way, but we are not there yet. People told me that it will feel like I am babysitting for awhile. I understand what they mean, but this is worse than babysitting. When you babysit, you know the kids are not yours. I know these kids are mine, and I am glad they are mine; but I can't make myself love them like my own yet, and that kills me! They both have habits that are enough to drive me up a tree most days. Do you want to know what the gnashing of teeth sounds like? Come on over and I will give your ears a preview of what is in store for those who are not saved for eternity. I promise you we can scare some people into salvation with the sounds made by two petite little kids! But, in actuality, I don't even notice that anymore. It's like having twin 18 month olds who are new to the world. Everything is exciting or scary, stressful, or a fun new adventure. We never know what the reactions are going to be to a new situation. We just let it ride and pray for the best. Sometimes I wonder if we have truly given our kids a better life than they had before. 

I don't know how you have adjusted so well going from 2 kids to 4.

TRUTH: We haven't. We rely on God for everything. And in the times when we try to do things ourselves, failure is inevitable. I feel like I spend entire days screaming and disciplining. God has really convicted me as I continually think of the scripture that says,

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7: 3-5)

There is a GIGANTIC plank in my eye! I have issues that I never knew I had until our sweet littles came home. I struggle with anger management issues. I taught my kids the verse that says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." I often have to admit my foolishness to my children. 

How are Trey and Luke adjusting?

TRUTH: You know that whole "childlike faith" thing? There is a reason for it. When you have childlike faith, you can love freely. Our boys have shown us more about unconditional love than we could have hoped to teach them. We struggle, and in those moments when we just can't find the love, we often look over and find Trey, our 5 year old, cuddling his sister and Luke, laughing hysterically, teaching Sasha how to get into even more trouble than he manages to find on his own...not even noticing that they are different, and behaving as if Ana and Sasha have always been a part of our family. Trey tells us all the time that he wants us to adopt again. And despite all of the struggles, we probably will. God is shaping us and molding us through this experience in true potter form. 

How can you raise 4 kids (2 who are new to your family) and start a ministry?

TRUTH: We can't. We also couldn't adopt a child with Down syndrome and certainly not 2. 

"It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life I live in this body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20) 

"He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30) 

We believe this ministry was a call of God. We are not equipped for it, but He is. 

BOTTOM LINE TRUTH: We are sinners who struggle every day. We accomplish nothing on our own strength. We simply desire to glorify God through our adoration, our faith, and our actions. God found us, and by His grace alone we stand.