Where are you? I search for you every day. I stare into your eyes looking for you. Instead what I get is an imperfect version of God's creation. I find what this life has made you, not what you were created to be. You must have known. Known that you are too valuable and precious to let the heartache and corruption of this world get to you. So you locked yourself inside, determined that no one should get close enough to taint you anymore. You occasionally peek your toe out. I see it when you smile for real, and when you hold on to me so tight, determined that our hug should not end. But you quickly retreat back into yourself, locked away until a fleeting moment when we catch you off guard again. Baby girl, I know you have been hurt. Like a beautiful flower trampled underfoot. I don't pretend to understand your pain, and I make no claims of being able to repair the damage done to you. But, I know the one who can restore you, so for your own sake, I let you go. I will stop trying to change you. I will give you into the hands of the Savior. I don't know how to piece you back together, but He does. I will be here for you every day. I will love you and care for you, and so will He. But when I cannot figure you out, I will trust that He doesn't have to. He created you, and knows parts of you that I never will. I cannot wait to see Him draw you out, so I can stand in true awe of His beautiful creation: you!I love you my sweet Ana!
~Mommy
4 comments:
Oh Lindsey... I'm crying here... I have loved your little Ana ever since I found RR. I'm so sad that she has known such pain. I rejoice though that she has a Mommy to love her and to find her when she needs to be found. I pray that God heals her heart and she can come out more often. Keep loving her Lindsey... know that I am praying for you & sweet Ana (& loving her too!)!!
Crying too....she is a deep soulful child...I could tell the moment I laid eyes on her her. Thank you for loving her and letting her unfold on her own time. It's like you have the two opposites in terms of dealing with the pain and suffering of an orphanage and abandonment. Sasha who is open to anything and everyone and no boundaries and Anna who is quiet, reserved and contained and cautious. I pray for you all and mostly thank God that you are her mommy.
Praying for you both. It is such early days - you seem to be doing a great job so keep it up. I think she and you will be surprised and blessed with what the future holds.
very beautiful...thank you for sharing from the heart...Ana is blessed to have you for a mommy, as I know you are blessed to have her for your daughter
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