Perspective

Occasionally, we need reminders in life. We need perspective. Yesterday, I needed and got some good perspective. We decided to go get a family picture taken. As soon as it was our turn to go and sit for our portrait, Trey refused to be photographed. But, he also didn't want the picture taken without him. After begging, pleading, and threatening in front of a substantial audience, we picked up our 2 screaming children and walked out. Trey became enraged because NOW he wanted his picture taken. We put them both in the car crying. Trey was so angry he threw both of his shoes at us, which I kept (for the next week he is without orange crocs). He unbuckled himself 3 times (which earned him back his old "baby" carseat), yelled at us, and threw himself all over the place (I assure you there was some major discipline involved when we got home). I cried when it was over and I had a moment to think. I wondered what I had done wrong as a parent that he was behaving like that. I felt as though we had lost half of a day. 

But, at the end of the night, Gary and I sat down to talk. As we were conversing about other things, Gary briefly mentioned the day we first saw Trey's heartbeat on the ultrasound. Many of you know his story, but for those who don't: Trey was one day away from not being here. I was told he was not a viable pregnancy, I would miscarry, and I should have a D&C. I cancelled my D&C at 4pm on Wednesday - it was scheduled for 7am on Thursday. A week later, there was his little heart beating for us to see on the ultrasound monitor. 

Half a day of discipline is nothing compared to a lifetime without him. When your kids drive you crazy, break your things, break your heart, and make you cry, just keep it all in perspective.

Fathers

Fathers come in all shapes and sizes. They are funny, stern, happy and sad. They provide discipline and instruction. They are role models and playmates. They make mistakes.

I know that my dad made a lot of mistakes when I was a kid. I've seen Gary make a few too. I'm sure they are both thanking me profusely under their breath right now for posting this. But the point of my post will be this: "love covers over all wrongs" (Proverbs 10:12). I used to read that passage thinking only that it meant that if you love someone you will overlook their mistakes (instead of saving them as ammo for the next fight :). But then I began rereading 1 Corinthians 13 (you know the famous "love is patient, love is kind..." etc.). Paul talks about love as though it is the only pure and perfect thing. He then says, "but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears" (13:10). He is talking, of course, of the perfection of Christ and his return. But, isn't it true that when pure love is present, "the imperfect disappears"? 

The mistakes that my dad made pale in comparison to the love that he gave. The same is true of Gary. He loves me and his boys probably more than he should. Trey and Luke don't even notice the mistakes, because both they and Gary have covered over them with love. 

Mother's day is highly celebrated (and I am thankful for that :). But father's day usually receives a less glamorous welcome. I think we sometimes forget that daddies don't pour out any less love than mommies. Most of them work very hard and shoulder the stress of providing for their families. I can speak personally about my husband who is a friend and a father to our boys, but is also my strong shoulder when I feel like I can't carry my load anymore. He carries his own burdens and picks up mine when I need a rest. I think of my brother who said, "come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) Gary is my sanctuary in the flesh. Thank you, Gary. I love you! 

Happy Father's Day to all of the daddies (and especially the Father of all who shoulders ALL of our burdens).

At the end of the day, the boys always cuddle together on the couch to watch Caillou before bed. Luke HAS to have a pillow on his lap...so particular.

Life Lesson: Good-bye.

Why is good-bye so hard? Trey and I have had to deal with this tough lesson twice in one week. Let me share with you the cute before we get to the sad. 

Trey played out in the rain one day with one of my tupperware containers. He filled it with water, placed the lid on and brought it to me saying, "look at my fish, mommy". I thought it was cute, but when he went to bed that night I emptied the container, washed it out, and put it away. The next morning he found the empty container and brought it to me with the saddest face he could muster and said, "Mommy, my fish is so sad because he doesn't have any water!" So of course, I decided he needed a real fish. And then, it wouldn't be fair if Luke didn't have one.  Here is a picture of Goldfish and Marlin (those are their names). 

Well, apparently I don't know how to care for fish. We cleaned the bowl, and the clean water I put in must have been too cold because within an hour they both died. Poor Trey cried on my shoulder for about five minutes. Through his tears he said, "now we have fish food but no fish to feed". I promised that I would learn how to properly care for fish THEN we would get more.

We have also had to say good-bye to our friends. If you read my blog at all you know Jamie, Brian, Brandon and Maya. Brandon was Trey's first best friend. They were inseparable for the last 3 years. Maya is my adopted girl. She is sweet, smart and SO adorable. And Jamie was my go-to friend. She and I had crazy adventures in parenting together; we think alike and act alike, but as it happens in life, good-bye had to come eventually. The Barki family has moved to Tulsa. We are so excited for their new adventure, but selfishly heart-broken. When it was time to say good-bye, I couldn't hold back the tears. I'm just so thankful that God brought them into our lives!